The Quaker Handbook

Appendix 2 - Quaker Marriages and Civil Unions


Contents

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This appendix is designed to be read in conjunction with 4.10.
As requirements may change over time, it is prudent for registering officers and couples to check with the Department of Internal Affairs, locally or online .

2.1   Legal requirements  (as at 15.12.2015)

MARRIAGES

Requirements of the New Zealand Marriage Act, 1955, with its subsequent amendments, together with the Marriage (Definition of Marriage) Amendment Act 2013:

QM 1 No marriage may be solemnised which is not authorised by the laws of New Zealand. Section 32 of the Marriage Act 1955 and amendments, and section 55(2) of the Births, Deaths and Marriages Registration Act, specifically refer to marriages in accordance with Friends' usage. Any two people free to marry may do so legally, irrespective of gender or sexual orientation.
QM 2 The Registrar General of Births, Deaths and Marriages is an official of the Department of Internal Affairs at the national level, and the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages at the local level.

QM 3 The couple shall give notice of their intended marriage in the prescribed form (BDM 60, Notice of Intended Marriage application form) to the local Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages. They should not name any individual as celebrant, but write that they plan to marry "in accordance with the marriage regulations of the Religious Society of Friends" under section 32 of the Marriage Act. On obtaining from the Registrar the licence and the accompanying forms (BDM 45 and BDM 45A), the couple should forward these promptly to the registering officer of the Monthly Meeting.

Since the licence is valid for only three months, couples are advised to check the timing of the Friends' process with the Meeting's registering officer before applying for a licence.

If the couple are already in a civil union together, they should use Form BDM 59, Notice of Intended Marriage change of relationship from civil union, rather than BDM 60. There is no requirement to dissolve their current civil union. Evidence of the current civil union needs to be produced when they apply for the form.

It is not necessary to be resident in the town in which the marriage is to take place and application may be made to any Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages, provided at least three clear working days are given between the application and the completion of the licence.

QM 4 Legal forms: During or immediately after the meeting for worship for marriage, the forms BDM 45 and BDM 45A (having been previously prepared by the registering officer) shall be signed by the couple who have married, witnessed by two people present and signed by the registering officer. Where the form requires “[Signature of] Marriage Celebrant or Registrar of Marriages”, the registering officer should cross these out and write, “Registering Officer, Religious Society of Friends”.
Within 10 days after the ceremony the registering officer must return to the issuing Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages the form BDM 45, together with a covering letter clearly stating the registering officer’s name and address. A photocopy of the form BDM 45 should be kept in the meeting’s records. Form BDM 45A is given to the couple.

Many Meetings hold a "Marriage Register Book". It is no longer a legal requirement to keep this register.

CIVIL UNIONS

QCU 1 The Religious Society of Friends in Aotearoa / New Zealand has been approved as a body exempt from the requirement for a celebrant, under the provisions of Schedule 1 of the Civil Union Act 2004.

QCU 2 The Registrar General of Civil Unions is an official of the Department of Internal Affairs at the national level, and the Registrar of Civil Unions at the local level.

QCU 3 The couple shall give notice of their intended civil union in the prescribed form (BDM 360) to the local Registrar of Civil Unions. They should not name any individual as celebrant, but write that they wish to join in civil union “in accordance with the civil union regulations of the Religious Society of Friends”, an exempt body under schedule 1 of the Civil Union Act 2004. On obtaining from the Registrar the licence and the accompanying forms (BDM 345 and 345A), the couple should forward these promptly to the registering officer of the Monthly Meeting. Since the licence is valid for only three months, couples are advised to check the timing of the Friends' process with the Meeting's registering officer before applying for a licence.

It is not necessary to be resident in the town in which the civil union is to take place and application may be made to any Registrar of Civil Unions, provided at least three clear working days are given between the application and the completion of the licence.

QCU 4 Legal forms: During or immediately after the meeting for worship for civil union, the Forms BDM 345 and BDM 345A (having been previously prepared by the registering officer) shall be signed by the couple who have joined in the civil union and witnessed by two people present and signed by the registering officer. Where the form requires “[Signature of] Civil Union Celebrant or Registrar of Civil Unions”, the registering officer should cross these out and write, “Registering Officer, Religious Society of Friends”.

Within 10 days after the ceremony the registering officer must return to the issuing Registrar of Civil Unions the form BDM 345, together with a covering letter clearly stating the registering officer’s name and address. A photocopy of the form BDM 345 should be kept in the meeting’s records.

Form BDM 345A is given to the couple.

Many Meetings hold a "Marriage Register Book", which may now become a “Marriage and Civil Union Register Book”. It is no longer a legal requirement to keep this register.

 

2.2   Quaker Procedure

(including responsibilities of Registering Officer and Clerk)

The Yearly Meeting of Aotearoa New Zealand, Quakers, Te Hāhi Tūhauwiri, makes no discrimination on the basis of gender or sexual orientation in its marriage and civil union procedures. Monthly meetings are the Quaker bodies with responsibility for marriages and civil unions. Each monthly meeting appoints a registering officer, by its usual processes.

The registering officer and clerk are responsible for completing the Record of Procedure (Form B) during the process. If the registering officer is unable to serve, the meeting appoints an acting registering officer.

The couple intending to marry or to contract a civil union applies to the registering officer of the monthly meeting for a copy of Form A, Declaration of Intention to Marry or to Contract a Civil Union and Request for the Appointment of a Meeting for Worship.  The couple complete and sign the form and return it to the registering officer preferably three months before the date of the intended meeting for worship.

If necessary the date and time (but not the place) of the marriage or civil union may be omitted, provided that these particulars are given to the registering officer as soon as possible.

If the couple are already in a civil union, and wish to change their relationship to marriage, they complete a different legal form to request a licence (see Legal Requirements above). Then the Quaker procedure for marriage is followed.

Form A: The Declaration of Intention to Marry or to Contract a Civil Union and Request for the Appointment of a Meeting for Worship is printed below.

The registering officer receives Form A and informs the clerk of the intention of marriage or civil union. This intention is announced after Meeting for Worship in the place where or near where it is proposed to hold the marriage or civil union.

The registering officer or clerk brings to the next monthly meeting a request to appoint a meeting for worship to celebrate the marriage or civil union. If the details of date and time are not known at the time they are brought to a later monthly meeting. If the monthly meeting agrees to the request, it minutes to that effect, and the registering officer informs the couple. The minute includes details of the membership of the couple. The meeting may arrange for a Friend or Friends to meet with the couple for a clearness process in preparation for the meeting for worship. (See section 6.4 of this Handbook, and sections 16.19, 16.20 and 16.21 of Britain Yearly Meeting’s Quaker Faith and Practice.)

If the monthly meeting believes it is not able to agree to the request, the registering officer (preferably with other Friends) discusses with the couple any difficulties raised. After clarification the couple may decide either to withdraw their request, or to ask for it to be repeated at a future monthly meeting.

In cases where serious inconvenience would be caused if the appointment of a meeting for worship were delayed until the next monthly meeting, if time allows a special monthly meeting may be appointed. Otherwise the clerk, in consultation with the registering officer, may make the appointment on its behalf. Such action is to be minuted at the next monthly meeting.

If the monthly meeting has agreed to celebrate the marriage or civil union, Friends appointed by the monthly meeting work with the couple to ensure right ordering for the meeting for worship. This is often the role of elders or their equivalent, and/or the registering officer. If the meeting for worship is not to be held in the regular place of worship, these Friends should visit the proposed site to check its suitability for this meeting for worship.

On receiving the licence the couple show it to the registering officer. Before the day the registering officer prepares the appropriate forms (BDM 45 and BDM 45A for marriage or BDM 345 and BDM 345A for civil union).

Where the form requires “[Signature of] Marriage Celebrant or Registrar of Marriages”, the registering officer should cross these out and write, “Registering Officer, Religious Society of Friends”.

The registering officer or clerk arranges for notice of the appointed meeting for worship for the celebration of marriage or civil union to be given after a meeting for worship in the place where (or in the area of which) the meeting for worship is to take place.

The registering officer arranges for the Quaker certificate to be signed and witnessed during the meeting for worship. After the signing of the certificate or at the end of the meeting for worship, it is read audibly by the registering officer or other suitable person.

The registering officer also arranges for the appropriate forms (BDM 45 and BDM 45A for marriage or BDM 345 and BDM 345A for civil union) to be signed and witnessed either during or at the close of the meeting for worship (see 4.10.8).
The registering officer sends form BDM 45 or BDM 345 within 10 days to the local Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages or Registrar of Civil Unions, together with a covering letter clearly stating the registering officer’s name and address.

The registering officer also informs the clerk of the accomplishment of the meeting for worship and gives:
- Form B to the clerk;
- Form BDM 45A or BDM 345A to the couple.
- A copy of BDM45 or BDM345 is kept with the meeting's records, together with a copy of Form B.
The clerk arranges for the accomplishment of the meeting for worship to be recorded in the minutes of the monthly meeting, with the date and place of the meeting.

In cases where either person being married or contracting a civil union is a member or attender of a monthly meeting other than the one where the meeting for worship has taken place, the registering officer reports it to the clerk of each such meeting, which similarly records the details of the occasion by minute.

 


2.3  Quaker forms

The forms listed can be printed most easily in A4 format, from the website text of this Handbook.

QUAKER MARRIAGE / CIVIL UNION: FORM A
DECLARATION OF INTENTION TO MARRY OR TO CONTRACT A CIVIL UNION and REQUEST FOR THE APPOINTMENT OF A MEETING FOR WORSHIP
to be completed and signed by both parties in the presence of an adult witness


QUAKER MARRIAGE / CIVIL UNION: FORM B
RECORD OF PROCEDURE
 

QUAKER MARRIAGE / CIVIL UNION: FORM C
Possible wording for a marriage or civil union certificate.
The wording below is based on traditional language. It is normal for the wording, especially the promises, to be adapted by the couple in consultation with the registering officer. The certificate includes the full text of the agreed promises.

Maintained by
Handbook Revision Committee